Candice picked up a used wooden candle off a yard-sale table and was already sold. “It’s not used very much.” Then she asked the seller, “Is it primitive?”

The seller said it was probably from the eighties or nineties.

I had to step in. “That’s not primitive, Candace. We had these when I was a kid.” Primitive is a category. Eighties wood is just… wood.

She kept saying primitive. I kept saying not primitive. And then I floated my actual best guess for what the thing was: “You sure it’s not a reflex tester?”

She bought it anyway. “If we can’t sell it, I’ll drink coffee out of it.”